Photo Credit: John Raoux, Associated Press

Welcome to the Hypocrisy Bowl, where the coaches are undefeated, loyalty hasn’t scored a point since 1974, and the transfer portal is blamed for everything from a losing season to global Here’s the college coach handbook, Chapter 1, Verse 1:

“Always preach loyalty. Never practice it.”

A coach will spend half the season telling kids,
“You made a commitment. You must honor it.”
Then, the moment Auburn, Texas A&M, or some random oil tycoon in a cowboy hat waves a fat check?

Coach is zipped inside a private jet faster than you can say “mutual agreement to part ways.”

And he’ll leave behind:

• A half-empty locker room
• A staff that didn’t see it coming
• Two dozen recruits holding hats in confusion
• And a farewell letter that reads like it was written by ChatGPT’s evil twin

But no, no — it’s the players who are disloyal.

The funniest thing about the NIL era?

Photo Credit: Ken Ruinard, USA Today via Imagn Images

Coaches acting like players making money is the end of civilization.

Coaches before NIL:
“I make $9.8 million a year. I earned it.”

Players after NIL:
“I got $50k for an ad with a car dealership.”
Coaches:

“DISGRACEFUL! THE GAME IS DYING!”

Yeah, sure, Coach.
The game wasn’t dying when you got a $14 million buyout because you couldn’t beat Vanderbilt.
But Jimmy the running back getting a free truck?
Unacceptable.

NIL didn’t kill college football — it killed the coaches’ monopoly on the cash flow.

And buddy, they are not taking it well.

The transfer portal is basically the first time players have been allowed to say:

“Hey coach… maybe YOU need to get better too.”

And that terrifies them.

Every December, coaches have a meltdown so dramatic it deserves Broadway lighting:

• “Kids quit too easily!”
• “Culture is ruined!”
• “They’re not loyal!”

Meanwhile, Coach has:

• Switched jobs 4 times in 6 years
• Taken three rosters with him
• Blamed every exit on “family reasons”
• And made more money off buyouts than most players will in a lifetime

But sure, kid hitting the portal after you benched him for the water boy? Totally the villain.

Photo Credit: Jason Homan, Getty Images

Coaches whining about NIL is especially rich when you look at their buyouts.

A coach can go:

5–7
6–6
2–10
Lose to a directional school
Accidentally insult half the alumni base
And mismanage the clock so badly it becomes a meme…

And the school will STILL owe him:

$27 million to leave immediately, do nothing, and play golf for the next three years.

Players get NIL money?
Scandalous.
Coaches get paid millions to fail?

“That’s just the market.”

Right.

The offseason coaching carousel used to be a rumor mill.

Now it’s a demolition derby with lawyers.

Every year:

• Someone sneaks out at midnight
• Someone gets fired on a tarmac
• Someone lies straight to the camera
• Someone else gets hired for a contract human beings shouldn’t legally be allowed to sign
• And boosters throw money around like they’re bribing Zeus himself

College football may not have loyalty, but it has entertainment value so high it should come with popcorn.

Let’s be honest:

The portal didn’t break college football.
NIL didn’t break college football.
The players didn’t break college football.

The system was already broken — the players just finally noticed.

Coaches aren’t mad at NIL.
They’re mad players aren’t stuck anymore.
They’re mad the portal gives athletes what coaches have always had:

Options.

That’s why welcome…
one and all…
to this year’s premiere of:

THE HYPOCRISY BOWL
Coaches 42
Loyalty 0

Sponsored by: Broken Promises, Buyouts, and the Always-Ironically-Late “Family Reasons.”

College football isn’t dying.
It’s just finally honest.

Twitter: @ErrolMarks34
LinkedIn: Errol Marks
Instagram: @rollothamouth34