The 2025 New York Islanders Draft Review

by | Jul 3, 2025 | General

Yes, this title is misleading. I mean, I will review the New York Islanders draft, but every asshole writer does this, where they do stupid shit like give a grade on a draft about how 17 and 18 year olds will perform a decade from now. If you can predict a decade from now? Get your ass working on lottery numbers!

First off, I’ve been reading the reviews of the Islanders draft. Corey Pronman gave the Islanders draft an A+. As an Islanders fan and a person who respects the amount of effort Pronman puts into his job? That sounds wonderful. Until you realize that Garth Snow’s 2008 draft was considered an A+. A draft that gave us the ultimate compiler but never a winner Josh Bailey, a nearly 1000 game player that hit everything but the back of the net Matt Martin, and who the fuck else? Oh right, the super impactful Travis Hamonic, and the verge of 1000 games Matt Spurgeon, who NEVER PLAYED FOR THE ISLANDERS.

Not A+? Hmmmm
Why did so many players from the 2008 draft have shots at a career? Because the 2007 Islanders were pretty bad. And the 2008 Islanders were even worse. These A+ draft rock stars moved the team from choosing 5th overall to 1st overall.

Sometimes winning a draft? It means ABSOLUTELY FUCKING NOTHING.

The New York Jets won the 2022 draft when they took Garrett Wilson, Sauce Gardner, Breece Hall, Jeremy Ruckert, and Max Mitchell. How have those Jets been doing?

They’ve been fucking zeroes. They can trade all of those guys and it will have no impact on their win loss record, because the Jets aura can even destroy a hall of fame quarterback.

Jets gotta Jet.
So lets review my first premise – nobody wins a draft.

If you’ve been reading my amazing, research and mathematically proven work, you will recognize that I am a contrarian. Not to reality and facts, but to the absolute nonsense horseshit that you will hear broadcast from fucking morons who just like to hear themselves yell over unimportant shit.

Let me ask you this – why are you yelling over a game that happened ten years ago? Or ten minutes ago? There are decisive endings to sports. It’s called a scoreboard. Can you complain that a referee fucked over your team? Absolutely. That actually may be worth yelling over. But yelling because the manager in game 57 of a 162 game season made a pitching change in the 7th inning that didn’t go perfectly? Shit happens. The lack of understanding over this is why your local sports guy is a fucking moron.

You know what those broadcasters need? They need a show where people critique the brainless fucking nonsense that they spew on for hours every day. Do you know how many times they spout uninformed shit on a daily basis? It’s almost the whole show, unless they’re giving you scores. Boomer Esiason, the Long Island legend, sounds like a fucking moron when he’s doing anything other than repeating something factual that someone else told his CTE laden giant pumpkin head. Let someone shit on how stupid these guys are, like those after shows from the fake housewives shows. It’s all the same premise anyway. Now that’s entertainment! I’ll even volunteer – the first hour is on me. For free!

Bet this is the best use of a sports caster, he said, foreshadowing what comes next
So back to the idea that nobody wins a draft. You’re picking 18 year old kids. If you have an 18 year old in your life? Predict their next 12 years. For most people, that prediction is “my kid is a loser,” and they’re right. But how did they know? Well, because their kid is already a loser? But the rest of the 17 and 18 year olds? That’s the challenge.

To stay on the hockey example, the same year that the New York Islanders went redundant and drafted Rick DiPietro while they had a goaltender of the future in Roberto Luongo? Luongo had a phenomenol career despite never winning a cup. And DiPietro? One all star game? Which means he wasn’t entirely terrible. It just means that the GM of the Islanders, Mike Milbury, who spent his entire life in hockey, couldn’t see anyone’s potential 10 years from 1999. But some radio asshole can totally do such without being a backseat driver? Total nonsense.

Also, the same year that the Islanders took DiPietro first overall? In the last round of the same draft, the New York Rangers took a flyer on a goalie named Henrik Lundqvist. Who had the better career in goal- DiPietro or Lundqvist? Guess the Rangers hired Craig Carton to use his vision pick players, and then also see how he’d be jailed for fucking over his listeners by being a fraudulent criminal scumbag.
Behind bars, working on his soap drop.
Or maybe he was too arrogant to see either coming. Mostly because he was too busy counting cash from the folks he robbed. Not allegedly robbed. Robbed. But hey, let him be the first to judge someone else’s mistakes!

If a radio asshole wants to impress me? PICK THE WINNERS BEFORE THE GAME. That’s genius. Complaining after? You’re a fucking useless limp dick with a fucking useless limp dick.

Winning a draft is a jerkoff phrase. You know when you can assess the 2025 NHL draft? Around 2031. Hey sport jerkoffs- tell me all of the Stanley Cup winners between now and then. After all, you hardons see the future! You can predict draft winners based on future returns! So tell me who will be the champions! Lets bet like Biff Tannen.

People generally say that the Islanders had a good first round. Well, thanks for that. They only had the first pick in the draft, so they had the choice of the best player in the entire draft. Can you fuck that up? Absolutely. Nail Yakupov comes to mind when the NHL gave the Edmonton Oilers 17 first overall draft picks in a row. Alexis Lefrenire is an underwhelming New York Rangers first overall, as well as Cocko Cockinhim as a second overall. But everyone and their mother said that Matthew Schaefer is the best player in what everyone called a weak draft, so he must be great, right? He was the only all star in the draft, right?

He’s Finnish…ed.
Until draft day, of course, when the draft where everyone taken in the top 30 is comparable to a shitton of NHL all stars. On June 15, this draft was ass. On draft night? Every team’s pick made them a cup competitor.

Again, you can’t win a draft. No one knows what the fuck they’re talking about both now and for the future.

In 2008 when the New York Islanders drafted soft as hot butter Josh Bailey? He was compared to Adam Oates. Except Adam Oates had a 20 goal season, which Bailey never had, and Oates was wanted by other teams, which Bailey never was. Whoever predicted that future needs to stand still and make out with a speeding train.

Nobody can predict a draft. My favorite Islander ever, Mike Bossy, was drafted 15th overall. Clearly he was the best player in that draft. When Mario Lemieux was drafted, who was his comp? Sometimes it’s ok to say “I don’t know.” People need to learn that.

The next issue with the Islanders draft was the “Shagens” talk. Would I have loved for the Islanders to get two of the top 5 players in the draft? Absolutely. Am I afraid that James Hagens weighs 160 pounds and wants to be in the NHL? Am I underwhelmed that Hagens was a point a game player in college after being dominant against little kids? Yes.

I am glad that Matthieu Darche (I probably spelled that wrong) made offers to get Hagens, but lets talk about what that was. The picks that the Islanders were using came from trading a top 10 offensive defenseman in the NHL. Let me repeat. A FUCKING TOP 10 OFFENSIVE DEFENSEMAN IN THE ENTIRE NHL WOULD HAVE BEEN TRADED FOR AN UNDERWHELMING 18 YEAR OLD. That’s insanity.

They also offered Boston JG Pageau. Pageau led the NHL in faceoffs last season, and put up more than half a point a game from the 3rd line. Hagens will not have 46 points in his rookie year. Boston also traded their hall of fame forward in Brad Marchand for a second round pick, showing that they are frequently making bad decisions with recent trades.

Hagens said that he wanted to be an Islander. He grew up on Long Island. His dad is an Islander fan. The Islanders did all that they could to acquire Hagens. Do you know who did nothing for the Islanders to acquire James Hagens?

James Hagens. And James Hagens can learn a lot from Adam Fox.

The guy even LOOKS like a Ranger…
Fox was drafted by the Calgary Flames. He told Calgary that he wasn’t going to sign with them and just stay in college, so Calgary traded his rights to Carolina. Fox told Carolina that he’s not signing there either, so they should trade him to where he wanted to go, which to the Long Beach native was home. Sort of.

Fox was an unproven prospect, but both Carolina and Calgary took a flyer on him. And if he was a greedy asshole? He would have taken either team’s money offer. But he didn’t. But Hagens? He took the money. Do you want to know why? Because Hagens knows that he sucks. No Hobey Baker here!He is an unconfident greedy asshole. He underwhelmed as a freshman, so he was happy to take Boston’s money. Because he’ll be a millionaire with that entry level contract.

Bitch.
What Hagens should have told EVERY team that interviewed him? “Don’t bother. I’m an Islander. I’m only signing there. If you want? Trade me there after you draft me. Or don’t draft me. I’ll be a second or third round pick just to be where I want to be.” He should have followed the stylings of Eric Lindros, except the teammates wife’s part.

What this draft taught me is that Hagens is a little bitch. 12 months ago he was the projected top pick in the draft. He fell to 7 to a team that has no farm. He is absolutely taking the most money he can and running. So my draft rankings? Low character. Low compete level. Low IQ. Low testosterone. And one day he will be an Islander. When Boston doesn’t offer him a second contract, and Hagens is on a two way at Bridgeport. Or more likely Hamilton. Which is a shame, because the Bridgeport Ferry would drop him off so close to home!

Alright Hamilton!
Lastly, The Islanders took players from 4 different countries playing in 5 different countries. They’re leaving no stone unturned to improve this roster. Compare that to Lou Lamoriello, who picks from the 2020 through the 2024 drafts have played a combined 47 NHL games for the Islanders. That’s 5 drafts full of nothing. Lou was given credit for choosing Aatu Raty. Raty was supposed to be the first overall in the draft, just like James Hagens. Raty is now sucking for Vancouver. Maybe he’ll figure it all out when allegedly sobers up, but as of now? Very underwhelming. And maybe a prelude to what Boston drafted?

Lou’s drafting this decade is absolute ass. Even Cole Eiserman, the goal scoring machine that everyone has a hard on for? He’s got new Oliver Wahlstrom written all over him. Lou had one draft pick that was a home run- Noah Dobson. That’s so long ago that Dobson just got his big boy payday as he approached his UFA era.

The other player that Lou picked that’s worth a shit? Simon Holmstrom. Imagine having 2 picks worth a shit over 7 years? Fuck Lou. The game passed him by. Outside of hockey trades, where there is a track record with professionals? Useless. His player contracts were largely overpays. I love Anders Lee and all, but $7 million a year? Lou’s term offers were also absurd- Pierre Engvall for 7 years? Scott Mayfield for 7 years? No movement clauses for everyone? Fuck you, Lou. Your best move was Barry Trotz. Outside of that? Garth Snow-esque. Which is why you haven’t made any playoffs runs at UBS arena. You should have been fired with Trotz.

In short? The Islanders 2025 draft did not make the 2025 – 2026 Islanders a better team. In the future? It’s a big maybe. We can’t tell. What we can predict based on the present situation? A team that did not make the playoffs that traded one of their top two players and will trade another top 7 player before the season is up? They’re not making the playoffs as anything other than an 8 seed in 2025-26. Luckily Anders Lee and the trade of JP Pageau will come off of the salary cap to free up $12 million of cap space, and the cap itself will rise $9 million dollars. Then we can expect improvement from NHL players. So far, Darche has earned that trust.

But for the 2025-2026 season? The Islanders will have a punt year. Ideally, Darche will also “win” next year’s draft, so when Mathew Barzal is 32? The Islanders will have a team that is hard to play. Sorry, but you don’t know who won a draft until those players are 3-5 years older.

To wrap up my analysis of the 2025 NHL draft? Your intrepid reporter spent his Wednesday evening at the Blue and White Scrimage, and based on what I saw? My final analysis of the New York Islanders 2025 draft is that it will have no impact on the record for the 2025-2026 New York Islanders season. That’s because no one from this draft will be or should be on the roster in October. Jesus, even Calum Ritchie looked like ass at the 2025 Blue and White scrimmage. Also, fans will be able to buy hats that say 3.5%, which somehow is a thing someone though was a good idea to make. After seeing the game, I guess there is the good news- get ready for next year’s draft party for the Islanders top 10 pick!

71? More like our savior!
Horvat looks older in person.
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