Hey dear readers, I bet you’re expecting a mock draft. Well, fuck that. What’s the purpose? Zion goes 1st overall? And then who gives a shit.

Here’s what a draft generally entails. There are 3 strong players in any draft. Maybe 2, maybe 4. But about three. They will play for a bad team. They will look to either become cornerstones for a franchise, or look to move to a better team to join up with another star. More on that later.

So the NBA draft in 2019 will be a lot like other drafts. But here’s where the NBA fucked up.

The league should have rigged the draft to allow the New York Knicks to have won the draft lottery. Why?

Because the Knicks were terrible. Worst record in the league. Understand that people buy tickets to see the Knicks- I would rather waste money on buying Absinthe, letting it evaporate, and snorting the crystals instead of paying for a train, seats, and snacks for failure- despite the fact that as an organization, they are losers? And the fans often get what they came for.

But the Knicks were such losers, they didn’t even win for losing. And even then, they’re still getting a solid player. Until they have to pick that player.

What the Knicks have is salary space for two NBA star players. And they drafted a high level wing forward last year. This means that if the draft falls wrong, the Knicks are going to be fucked. Why?

Easy. The Knicks took Kevin Knox as the future small forward. There’s a strong chance that the Knicks will be looking at drafting a small forward at pick 3. If so, the Knicks can either trade Knox, or trade pick 3. Except, there’s only one answer. And that is, there should no way that the Knicks trade the third overall pick.

NO WAY.

Whomever the Knicks choose?  Better than whomever they have.

So if the Knicks are drafting a point guard? Fuck you, Kyrie, with your name sounding like an 80’s song from Mister Mister. If the Knicks are getting the other kid from Duke? Trade Knox. And if Zion falls to them? Duh.

But me? I look to move my 3rd overall to New Orleans, plus this and next year’s seconds, plus a future first or two to get Zion. Dallas gave you two firsts for gimpy Kristaps Prozingas, who despite being punched in the face was a proven NBA all star, so why not make an offer to move up two spots?

New York Knicks first round NBA Draft pick, Kevin Knox, poses with his jersey at the teams training facility Friday, June 22, 2018, in Tarrytown, N.Y. (AP Photo/Kevin Hagen) ORG XMIT: NYKH103

Why would New Orleans make the trade? Because they’d be getting a 3rd player in the draft, plus two more firsts and two seconds to move down two spots. Also, they’re still trading Anthony Davis and will take in a haul for him. The Celtics made a deal like this with the Nets and have been prosperous since. New Orleans could use the hype of Zion and the demands of Davis to make them potent for years. Oh, and since these will be so many guys on entry level deals, the Pelicans can be active in the free agency market.

Zion is made for New York. The next Charles Barkley. Not a small market guy. Then the Knicks can go out and sign Kevin Durant and Kyrie Irving or Kawai Leonard or whomever they want to. Kevin Knox can learn a jump shot and swing to G2, or sit behind Leonard. Actually, maybe Knox- Tim Hardaway Jr never did.

But here is what the Knicks will do. They will trade away a top pick to acquire a nightmare contract, then sign a free agent, which is what they could have regardless while keeping a major asset. Instead they’ll make some headline grabbing splash, keep an inferior player at small forward, and sign maybe one UFA. They’ll fuck up everything like they always do, because they’re the Knicks. And with the weaker level of firepower, they will b a 500 team that exits in the first round of the playoffs. Again.

If only the NBA had the sense to make the Knicks a valuable team based on something more than geography, they’d have frozen an envelope again.