Pete Alonso came back to Citi Field this week and apparently decided he wasn’t interested in being a polite guest. 

You know that friend who comes back to your house after you kicked him out… eats your food, sleeps on your couch, and then leaves with the TV? 

Yeah.

That’s Pete Alonso right now. 

The former Mets slugger absolutely torched his old team Wednesday night, launching another home run as the Baltimore Orioles completed a three-game sweep of the Mets with a 7-1 beatdown. 

At this point, somebody needs to check the Mets clubhouse for a restraining order.

Because Pete keeps coming back to Queens and hurting feelings.

And Mets fans? 

They are booing David Stearns, cheering Pete Alonso, and basically having an emotional breakdown in the same building. 

PETE SAID: “YOU DIDN’T WANT ME? COOL.” 

Alonso hit his 300th career home run Tuesday night at Citi Field, tying the game in the ninth inning before Baltimore eventually won in extra innings. 

Then Wednesday? 

First inning. 

BOOM. 

410 feet. 

Second deck.

Goodbye baseball. 

Hello, emotional damage. 

The Mets fans actually gave Pete a huge ovation before his first at-bat.

Then he hit a home run. 

That’s not a welcome-home party. 

That’s an ex-boyfriend walking into the wedding and catching the bouquet.

And the funniest part? 

Pete isn’t even acting like he’s trying to rub it in. 

He’s basically saying, “Guys, I’m just trying to win.” 

Meanwhile, Mets fans are sitting there thinking: 

“PETE, WE KNOW! THAT’S THE PROBLEM!” 

THE METS GOT SWEPT… BY THEIR EX 

Baltimore came into Queens and took all three games. 

Alonso had only two hits in the series. 

Unfortunately for the Mets, those two hits were both home runs.

So Pete basically went: 

“I’m only going to get two hits… but I’m going to make them hurt.”

That’s efficiency. 

That’s emotional terrorism. 

That’s the kind of thing where Mets fans start looking at the scoreboard and asking themselves: 

“Wait… did we really let this guy leave?” 

Yep. 

You did. 

And he’s wearing orange and black now.

FIVE ALL-STAR TEAMS. 264 METS HOME RUNS. GONE.

Alonso spent seven seasons with the Mets. 

He hit 264 home runs, made five All-Star teams, and became one of the most recognizable players in franchise history. 

Then the Mets didn’t bring him back last offseason. 

Baltimore did. 

Five years. 

$155 million.

And now, with September baseball here, Alonso is helping Baltimore chase a playoff spot. 

The Orioles are fighting for their postseason lives. 

The Mets? 

They’re already eliminated. 

That’s one of those baseball situations where you don’t even need to make a joke.

The joke is already sitting right there.

AND THEN CAME THE “FIRE STEARNS” CHANTS 

Tuesday night, after Alonso hit No. 300, Mets fans gave him a curtain call.

Then the crowd started chanting: 

“FIRE STEARNS!” 

Ohhhhhh, New York. 

Only in New York can a guy hit a historic home run and somehow the crowd turns it into a performance review for the president of baseball operations. 

Pete is standing there getting a standing ovation. 

David Stearns is somewhere watching this thinking: 

“Can everybody please stop making this about me?” 

Sorry, David. 

It’s New York. 

Everything is about you when the team is losing. 

PETE STILL LOVES THE PEOPLE IN QUEENS 

And here’s the part that makes this whole thing even better.

Pete wasn’t just hanging around with his former teammates. 

He was talking to clubhouse workers. 

Kitchen cooks. 

Parking attendants. 

Security. 

People he knew from his seven years with the organization. 

That’s the Pete Alonso people in New York remember. 

And after the game, he even embraced Mets radio legend Howie Rose, who’s retiring after the season. 

Pete basically spent three days walking around Citi Field saying goodbye to everybody… 

while repeatedly reminding the Mets why they probably shouldn’t have let him go.

That’s cold. 

But that’s baseball. 

SO WHAT’S THE REAL STORY? 

Pete Alonso isn’t coming back to New York looking for revenge.

He’s trying to win. 

He’s chasing the playoffs. 

He’s got 37 home runs, 102 RBIs and an .864 OPS this season. 

But let’s be honest: 

The timing could not be more hilarious. 

The Mets are eliminated. 

Pete is chasing October. 

Mets fans are cheering Pete. 

Mets fans are booing Stearns. 

And Pete Alonso is hitting home runs against his former team like he’s collecting rent.

New York City gave Pete Alonso a beautiful three-day farewell. 

And Pete responded by leaving Queens with: 

Two home runs, a 3-game sweep, and a whole lot of Mets fans asking the same question… 

“WHY THE HELL DID WE LET THIS GUY WALK?”

That’s the story. 

And if you’re a Mets fan, I’m sorry. 

But I’m also laughing. 

Because this is exactly the kind of baseball chaos that makes New York baseball so damn entertaining. 

Pete came home. 

Pete got cheered. 

Pete hit bombs. 

Pete got his flowers. 

And the Mets? 

They got swept. 

Welcome back, Polar Bear.