DUMB & DUMBER: THE STEARNS ECONOMY AND THE COHEN CIRCUS

by | Jan 5, 2026 | General

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Starring David Stearns as “The Genius,” Steve Cohen as “Uncle Stevie Slots,” and the New York Mets as the unwilling extras.

Mets fans remember the day David Stearns was hired the way you remember where you were during a blackout. There was excitement. There was optimism. There were podcasts, threads, blog posts, and Mets Twitter victory laps declaring that the Mets had finally done it — they had hired “the smartest man in baseball.”

He wore glasses.
He spoke calmly.
He used words like process, efficiency, and sustainability.

To Mets fans traumatized by the Wilpons — sorry, the Coupons — that was enough to trigger hope.

Finally, the savior had arrived.
Finally, competence.
Finally, the Brewers brain trust was coming to Queens to fix everything.

Fast forward to now, and David Stearns is standing in Citi Field with a clipboard, squinting at the roster like he just inherited someone else’s fantasy team… because he basically did.

Why did Mets fans fall in love with David Stearns in the first place?

Simple:

  • He didn’t yell
  • He didn’t overshare
  • He didn’t sound like a Mets executive

In baseball culture, that alone gets you labeled a genius.

But when you actually examine his résumé — not the vibes, not the reputation, not the Harvard glow — it reads less like Moneyball and more like Almostball.

Yes, the Brewers were competitive under Stearns.

Yes, they made the playoffs.
Yes, they won divisions.

And yes — they never won a damn thing.

One NLCS appearance in 2018.
Lost Game 7.
No pennants.
No World Series trips.
No championships.

For all the praise, David Stearns’ Brewers peaked as “tough out.”
Baseball’s version of “they play the game the right way.”

And here’s the part Mets fans don’t like talking about:

👉 The Brewers have gone further since he left.

Two years without Stearns, and Milwaukee is still standing — arguably stronger — while the Mets are still explaining themselves.

Almost like he wasn’t the secret sauce.
Almost like he was just the guy holding the ladle.

When Steve Cohen bought the Mets, he promised a championship within five years.

We are now staring down Year 6.

Results:

  • No World Series appearances
  • Four GMs (one he didn’t even hire)
  • Two managers fired
  • One ongoing identity crisis
  • Over $1.4 BILLION spent

This isn’t ownership stability — this is a hedge fund manager playing MLB The Show with real money.

David Stearns was supposed to stabilize the franchise.

Instead, he turned it into a yard sale.

Photo Credit: Gregory Fisher, Imagn Images

THE FARM SYSTEM HE DIDN’T BUILD

Mets fans love saying, “Look at the farm system!”

Great.
Now name the Stearns prospects.

Because:

  • Christian Scott — not his
  • Jett Williams — not his
  • Drew Gilbert — not his
  • McLean, Tong, Sproat — not his

David Stearns walked into a stocked fridge and took credit for dinner.

Yes, Juan Soto was great.

Yes, the numbers were elite.

He was also front and center for one of the biggest collapses in MLB history.

Congratulations — you bought a Ferrari and drove it straight into a sinkhole.

Sean Manaea: inconsistent, injury-prone, clearance rack.

Luis Severino: one good year, immediately leaves for more money.
J.D. Martinez: ancient, unwanted, baseball’s version of a flip phone.

This isn’t roster construction.
This is coupon clipping with a billionaire owner.

Devin Williams — ERA flirting with 12 at one point.

Jorge Polanco — over 30, redundant, unnecessary.
Marcus Semien arrives… Brandon Nimmo gets shipped out like yesterday’s leftovers.

You traded Brandon Nimmo, the heartbeat of the team, for vibes and regret.

Then came the unforgivable.

Edwin Díaz → Dodgers.
Pete Alonso → Orioles.

No real offers.
No real fight.

Pete Alonso — 35 homers, 100 RBIs, every year, face of the franchise, clubhouse leader — gone.

That’s not intelligence.
That’s arrogance.

If David Stearns were a car salesman, he’d sell you a 300,000-mile Civic, call it “efficient,” and act offended when the engine explodes.

Everything bad is process.
Everything good is vision.

Every press conference sounds the same:

  • “We like the flexibility”
  • “The data suggests”
  • “Sustainable competitiveness”

This is New York.
Nobody wants sustainability.
They want parades.

Here’s the truth nobody wants to say:

David Stearns is still running the Mets like they’re a small-market team.

Short-term deals.
Constant hedging.
Fear of commitment.

That works in Milwaukee.

In Queens, it gets you eaten alive.

The Mets don’t feel like a team anymore.

They feel like an Airbnb.

Nobody unpacks.
Nobody commits.
Nobody builds chemistry.

Just one-year stays and exit interviews.

Buck Showalter — gone.

Carlos Mendoza — already holding the bag.

Managers don’t fail alone.
They fail when front offices hand them half-rosters and full expectations.

Stearns never wears it.

Bad signing?

  • Injuries.
    Bad trade?
  • Long-term outlook.
    Bad season?
  • Lessons learned.

Funny how learning never results in trophies.

At first it was a joke.

Now it feels real.

Because urgency is gone.
Obsession is gone.
Winning feels optional.

Google (Noto Color Emoji 16.0) Come for the slots, stay for the bullpen collapse.

Steve Cohen isn’t cheap.

He’s impulsive.

Panic hires.
Panic firings.
Panic spending.
Panic retreats.

Great hedge fund behavior.
Awful baseball ownership.

Photo Credit: Gregory Fisher, USA Today Sports

Letting Pete Alonso walk without a serious offer should be framed and hung in Cooperstown under “How Not to Run a Franchise.”

You don’t replace:

  • Power
  • Leadership
  • Loyalty
  • Durability

With:

  • “Optionality”

Every year:

  • Prospects out
  • Rentals in
  • Players gone

The Mets aren’t growing.
They’re leaking.

David Stearns carries himself like someone who’s already won — despite never finishing the job.

That arrogance bleeds into everything.

Buddy, we see the standings.

More short-term deals.

More explanations.

More “trust the plan.”

Different manager.
Same results.

David Stearns wasn’t the answer.

Steve Cohen wasn’t the savior.

Together, they built Dumb & Dumber — baseball’s most expensive identity crisis.

The Mets didn’t need a consultant.
They needed a leader.

Instead, they got a spreadsheet… and a casino.

And in New York?

That always gets exposed.

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