Somewhere in Boston last night, somebody probably turned off the lights, locked the doors and told everybody, “Nobody talk about baseball until further notice.” 

Because what the Yankees just did to the Red Sox wasn’t a baseball game.

It was a public demonstration. 

The Yankees walked into the postseason without Aaron Judge, watched Cam Schlittler turn into a human pitching machine, watched Ben Rice turn into Babe Ruth’s long-lost nephew, and then proceeded to beat Boston 9-0 like they were settling an argument in the Bronx parking lot. 

And honestly?

Boston should probably file a complaint. 

Aaron Boone came out of the dugout in the seventh inning to take the ball from Schlittler, and Yankee Stadium erupted.

Standing ovation. 

MVP chants. 

The whole building was going absolutely nuts. 

And I get it. 

Because this kid wasn’t just pitching. 

He was terrorizing Boston. 

Schlittler threw 6⅓ scoreless innings, allowed just two hits and one walk, and struck out 10 Red Sox hitters. 

Oh, and he did it against the team he grew up watching. 

That’s right. 

The Massachusetts kid basically walked into Yankee Stadium and said:

“I know exactly what you people look like when you’re miserable.”

Then he made it happen. 

Again. 

Last year, Schlittler threw eight scoreless innings against his hometown team in a win-or-go-home postseason game. 

Now he’s back one year later and throws another gem against Boston. 

At this point, the Red Sox should stop giving this guy a baseball and just ask him to sign their lineup card. 

Because Schlittler has absolutely owned them. 

In six career starts against Boston, he’s allowed just two earned runs over 38⅔ innings. 

That’s a ridiculous 0.47 ERA. 

FORTY-NINE STRIKEOUTS. 

Two earned runs.

Against the Red Sox. 

Somewhere, David Ortiz is probably watching this saying, “Can somebody please check this kid’s birth certificate?” 

And while Schlittler was busy making Boston hitters question their career choices, Ben Rice decided he wanted to join the party. 

And apparently, Rice didn’t come to the ballpark looking for a good night.

He came looking for everybody’s lunch money. 

Rice went 4-for-5 with two home runs, six RBIs and a grand slam.

Yes. 

A GRAND SLAM. 

The man basically had enough offense for an entire baseball team. 

At one point, I think the Yankees should have just sent Rice back into the dugout and said: 

“Ben, you’ve done enough. Save some for tomorrow.” 

But no. 

Rice wasn’t finished. 

He doubled. 

He homered. 

He singled. 

Then he hit a grand slam. 

At this point, Boston pitchers were probably checking the scouting report looking for a typo. 

Rice finished the night with six RBIs, tying the Yankees’ single-game postseason record.

He became just the sixth player in major-league history with at least four hits and six RBIs in a postseason game. 

And here’s the best part.

He’s a kid who grew up about 45 minutes from Fenway Park.

Schlittler grew up in Massachusetts too. 

Both went to New England colleges that aren’t exactly baseball factories.

Schlittler went to Northeastern. 

Rice went to Dartmouth. 

The Yankees drafted Schlittler in the seventh round and Rice in the 12th.

Now? 

They’re standing in Yankee Stadium in October, beating the Red Sox like they personally wrote the script. 

That’s the kind of baseball story you couldn’t write any better.

And let’s talk about Schlittler’s pitch count. 

Because this man apparently decided Tuesday night that 117 pitches was a reasonable number to throw before dinner. 

He tied his career high through six innings. 

Then came back out for the seventh. 

He got Willson Contreras to line out. 

Then allowed a single to Wilyer Abreu. 

That’s when Boone finally walked out. 

Boone admitted afterward: 

“I got a little greedy.” 

A LITTLE GREEDY? 

Aaron, you weren’t ordering fries. 

You were letting a 25-year-old throw 117 pitches in a postseason game.

But I understand it.

How do you take the ball away from a guy who is absolutely carving up the Red Sox?

Schlittler had a career-high 24 swing-and-misses and threw 29 curveballs.

That curveball was filthy. 

He used it 27% of the time Tuesday and generated a ridiculous 57% whiff rate with it. 

Basically, Boston hitters were swinging at the baseball like they were trying to swat a mosquito in the dark. 

And they weren’t getting anywhere near it. 

Meanwhile, the Yankees offense was doing just enough early before Rice decided to turn the game into a personal highlight reel. 

Austin Wells drove in the first run. 

Rice hit a solo homer. 

Then the Yankees kept adding damage. 

And once the grand slam landed, it was officially over. 

9-0. 

A shutout. 

A postseason blowout. 

And the largest shutout postseason win by the Yankees since the 1960 World Series.

Think about that. 

The Yankees are playing postseason baseball against their biggest rival, without Aaron Judge, and two kids from Massachusetts just became the stars of the night. 

George Lombard Jr. went 3-for-4 in his postseason debut. 

Anthony Volpe called Rice a superstar. 

And Schlittler? 

The Yankee Stadium crowd was chanting MVP. 

That’s how crazy Tuesday night was.

Boston came to New York expecting October baseball. 

Instead, they got The Cam Schlittler Experience and the Ben Rice Buffet.

Everything was served. 

Pitching. 

Power. 

Drama. 

Home runs. 

A grand slam. 

And nine runs worth of Yankee Stadium therapy. 

The Yankees aren’t going to have Aaron Judge forever. 

They aren’t going to have the same roster forever. 

But if Tuesday night was any indication, the Yankees may have found something pretty special. 

A kid from Massachusetts who apparently hates disappointing Yankee fans more than he likes making Boston fans happy. 

And a homegrown slugger who decided the best way to celebrate October was by destroying the team from his own backyard. 

That’s baseball. 

That’s Yankees-Red Sox. 

And that’s the kind of postseason night that makes you sit back and say:

“Oh yeah… October is officially here.” 

And Boston? 

Well… 

Good luck sleeping.