You ever hear a story and immediately say, “Buddy… what in the name of expired gas station sushi were you thinking?”

Well welcome to the Brendan Sorsby saga.

The former Indiana, Cincinnati, and Texas Tech quarterback apparently wasn’t just studying playbooks during college. According to court documents, this man was out here placing nearly 3,000 bets, moving around $90,000, using friends’ accounts, family accounts, probably his cousin’s cousin’s account, and gambling so much he made Vegas look like a church fundraiser.

Now let’s be fair.

The NCAA found no evidence that he fixed games, shaved points, or threw contests.

In fact, Sorsby says he was betting ON Indiana.

Which is somehow the equivalent of robbing a bank and then telling the judge, “Yeah, but I really believed in the bank.”

The NCAA doesn’t exactly hand out gold stars for that.

According to Sorsby, betting on Indiana made him feel connected to the team while he wasn’t playing.

Brother, you’re the quarterback.

You’re already connected to the team.

What was next?

“I bought season tickets to feel closer to my teammates?”

Then comes the part where I nearly fell out of my chair.

Sorsby admitted his gambling got so out of control he was betting on sports he didn’t even watch.

Tennis.

Romanian soccer.

ROMANIAN SOCCER!

Ladies and gentlemen, I don’t know three people who watch Romanian soccer.

I’m not convinced Romania watches Romanian soccer.

This man was probably sitting in a dark room at 3:14 a.m. screaming at a team called FC Something-I-Can’t-Pronounce because they missed a penalty kick.

Imagine explaining that conversation.

“Hey Brendan, what are you doing?”

“Nothing. Just lost $47 because a guy named Vlad missed a corner kick.”

At some point that’s not gambling.

That’s a full-time job.

The craziest part?

This guy was about to make over FIVE MILLION DOLLARS in NIL money at Texas Tech.

Five million!

If somebody gave me five million dollars, you’d never hear from me again.

I’d be sitting on a beach somewhere arguing with seagulls and ordering appetizers I can’t pronounce.

Meanwhile Sorsby was out here acting like every sporting event on planet Earth needed his financial involvement.

NBA game?

Bet.

MLB game?

Bet.

Golf tournament?

Bet.

Romanian soccer game involving players whose names look like somebody dropped a bowl of alphabet soup on a keyboard?

ABSOLUTELY BET.

Now his lawyers are arguing that his gambling addiction should be treated like any other mental health issue and that the NCAA should show some flexibility.

The NCAA’s response appears to be:

“That’s nice. Unfortunately, our rulebook isn’t sponsored by DraftKings.”

Cold-blooded.

Now Sorsby’s future comes down to a courtroom and possibly the NFL Supplemental Draft.

Think about that.

Six months ago this guy was one of the hottest names in college football.

Today he’s famous for having more bets than passing attempts.

That’s a tough stat line.

College football never disappoints.

One week we’re debating playoff rankings.

The next week we’re reading about a quarterback who apparently bet on everything short of competitive knitting and synchronized lawn mowing.

Only in college football, folks.

Only in college football.